his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
