Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
