Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
