I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
