it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
