Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
