I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
