I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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