So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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