So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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