Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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