I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i came on her dog
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
