Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
