The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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