dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
