whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
