I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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