my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize