She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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