Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
