ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
