Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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