Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
