It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
