If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
