hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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