I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
