Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
