Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
