You really coming over, don't trick.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My penis needs a shock collar
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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