I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My feet surprised me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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