Sponge bath it is.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
