Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
