Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I want a musical about memes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
