i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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