she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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