shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
