Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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