facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's the barista slut.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
