it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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