before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize