Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
