The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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