in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
