At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
