Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
