who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
