Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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