guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
