I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
