Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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