My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
