I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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