If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
