My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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