Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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