I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
