She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
