I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
