sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
