I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
