My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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