maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
