I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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