haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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