3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
