Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
