i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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