I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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