No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
