at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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