Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
