when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so let's talk penis.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
