fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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