is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
