I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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