I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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