So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
