everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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