my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
