I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
