How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize