Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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