You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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