remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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