I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
