I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
