Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Houston, we have a blender
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
