I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
