Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize