The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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