i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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